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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795005">Some Assembly Required</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoseyxNeko/pseuds/JoseyxNeko'>JoseyxNeko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Getting It Wrong [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, I just can't leave well enough alone, Implied Ineffable Bureaucracy, It's an equal, It's not a sequel, Keeping tabs on your old employees, Multi, Other, Shit Espionage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:54:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>776</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoseyxNeko/pseuds/JoseyxNeko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel and Beelzebub keep tabs on Aziraphale's and Crowley's miracle output after Armageddidn't. Won't <em>they</em> be shocked?</p><p>Crack Prompt: heaven/hell HOs get some interesting paperwork about the actions of an angel and a demon</p><p>This is the Sister Fic to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23532559">If you fail, try and try and fail again</a>. This can be read independently, but makes more sense if you've read that one too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub &amp; Gabriel (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Getting It Wrong [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1714219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies of OLHTS</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Some Assembly Required</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You think I'd be sorrier, but I'm not.</p><p>This just kind of...happened? I had a different idea, but then this steamrolled its way in, and here it is.</p><p>Happy to slip some <em>suggested</em> Bureaucracy into one of the crack prompts finally!</p><p>Please enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Post Armageddidn't, Gabriel had thought to stay in touch with his Hellish counterpart, to keep tabs and swap notes, as it were.</p><p>He just didn't think he'd be swapping notes about <em>this.</em></p><p>He’d expected more of the usual, really:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maintains unwelcoming conditions in bookshop</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maintains constant temperature for hot cocoa</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Repairs minor tear in 100 year old coat</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Expunged alcohol from corporation</em>
</p><p> </p><p>So he was waiting for the first report to come in, when his cellphone rang. There was only one person who rang his cellphone. He answered it jovially.</p><p>“Lord Beelzebub! What an honour. Nothing interesting happening here on my end. Any interesting reports coming into Hell?”</p><p>“The Demon Crowley has conjured himself a cunt,” came a buzz on the other side of the already staticy line.</p><p>Gabriel choked. “A what?!”</p><p>“A vagina,” Beelzebub clarified with a huff. “You know, a typically female sex organ.”</p><p>“But his corporation isn’t female,” Gabriel’s brows furrowed in confusion.</p><p>There was a loud banging noise on the other side of the phone, as if a desk had a hand slammed down on it. “Don’t be so fucking narrow minded. How you present has nothing to do with what is found between your legs, <em>as you are aware</em>.”</p><p>Gabriel swallowed. “Yes, Lord Beelzebub.” He was aware. He was very aware from their first Earthly rendezvous after Armageddidn’t. He crossed his legs self-consciously.</p><p>The buzzing on the line got worse. “It looks like he’s done a bodge job of it though. I’ll send up the report.”</p><p>And there on the table in front of him appeared a small slip of paper, which read;</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Demon Crowley deed log:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Manifested cunt (sans reproductive organs) </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Warning: parts may be missing or damaged.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Gabriel stared at the piece of paper incredulously.</p><p>“What could he need one of those for?!”</p><p>“Use your imagination.” And the line went dead.</p><p>The Archangel sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. What imagination?</p><p>-</p><p>Shortly after, a new report came into Heaven, and Gabriel called back the Prince of Hell immediately to discuss it.</p><p>“Lord Beelzebub, I’ve received a confusing report. I was wondering if you could...?”</p><p>“Send it down.”</p><p>He sent down the slip of paper that read:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Principality Aziraphale miracle log:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Miracled a penis, cut </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Warning: parts may be missing or damaged.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>There was a roar of laughter down the other side of the phone. “What’s the confusion, Archangel?”</p><p>Gabriel lowered his voice into a harsh whisper. “Why miracle a phallus, just to cut it?!”</p><p>The laughter got louder. “It means it’s circumcised. The foreskin cut off. Really, Archangel, you really should be used to a cock by now.”</p><p>Gabriel squirmed in his seat, and crossed his legs minutely again. The laughing gradually stopped, and the buzzing turned suggestive.</p><p>“We’ll have to practice-” Beelzebub started, before getting cut off by the sound of a printer. “Oh. <em>Oh</em>. Interesting. Here.”</p><p>A piece of paper appeared before Gabriel once again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Demon Crowley deed log:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Manifested penis, foreskin excessive </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Warning: parts may be arranged incorrectly.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Excessive?!” the Archangel had to bite back a shout.</p><p>“Looks like they’re dicking around.”</p><p>“It’s not funny, Lord Beelzebub. These are Heavenly, and Hellish, miracles they’re using for unjust reasons,” Gabriel harrumphed. “Look, this is ridiculous. I’m going to go down to that wretched bookshop and find out what on Earth they’re playing at!”</p><p>“And say what? <em>‘We’ve received reports that you have cocks now. Congratulations’</em>?” Beelzebub suggested.</p><p>“You’re not helping, Beelz,” Gabriel said, downtrodden, when he was suddenly struck by an idea. “I know! I’ll make up some bullshit about a proposition. I’m sure the Principality can’t wait to be called back into the Heavenly Host,” he said smugly.</p><p>“Suit yourself,” Beelzebub drawled, bored, and hung up.</p><p>Good as his word, Gabriel bolted down to Earth at the Bookshop doors, and marched right in.</p><p>“Aziraphale, I have a proposition for you! I know things got a bit tetchy after the whole ‘failed armageddon’ thing, but-”</p><p>He was cut off by the sight he saw.</p><p>An Angel and a Demon, sharing a single phallus.</p><p>Maybe he missed a report when he’d left?</p><p>He blinked, stepped backwards, and then left the bookshop, vowing to never check up on the Principality ever again.</p><p>He returned to Heaven immediately, calling his Hellish counterpart, head in his hands. They picked up on the second ring.</p><p>“Beelz...I think we should turn off the miracle reports now.”</p><p>“Way ahead of you.” There was the sound of burning in the background.</p><p>In front of Beelzebub, on their desk, sat a steadily charring piece of paper that read.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Demon Crowley deed log:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Performed partial adult circumcision. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Warning: parts may be arranged incorrectly.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, as it fuels my creativity. Kudos are appreciated too :)</p><p>You can find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/joseyxneko">Twitter</a>.<br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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